Living and Being Alive
By Michelle Katz
I tend to have these particular habits when something is missing in my life. Addictions are easy to fall into in these moments. For me, it tends to be watching TV or shopping. (I say this vulnerably and know I am not alone.) Another habit that’s equality addictive is searching or researching for what I think will help. Endlessly seeking a new job or taking an online class that I cannot find the time to finish and I keep signing up for another and another. I recognize these as addictive behaviors because I truly have difficulty resisting them. These, perhaps silly, habits/practices help me feel like I can grab a hold of some control when I truly have none. A feeling I know many of us experience.
In my work in the mental health field, I have seen this “something missing” feeling again and again. What becomes clear to me every time I see it, is that that the individuals experiencing this feeling are wildly intelligent and spiritual at their core. These seem to be the elements of self that are in hiding, somehow suppressed by some trauma, a sense of responsibility or life circumstance, or any number of other reasons I won’t pretend to know about. This begs the question, is something spiritually and intellectually engaging missing from my life when I turn to these particular habits?
I look to nature and I see nothing is missing. The spirit and intellect fully intact (despite any trauma or repressive occurrence). Storms, erosion, pollution, climate change – nature faces some pretty real hardships. I contemplate this in the shadow of my own personal hardships. In the natural world, when there is not enough of something, the creatures come out of their homes to hunt and gather what is needed, the branch of a tree stretches in the direction of the sun, the root reaches for the water. We are all find our way to what we need. Through challenges and comforts, the desire to live outweighs everything. It is the primary focus. Living. “Things just want to live,” a farmer once told me when I complained about not being a green thumb, “they will do whatever it takes to live.”
How is this defined for humanity? Is living...surviving? Is it following your heart? Your dreams? Your impulses/desires? Is it feeling joy in every day? What is living and is it different than being alive?
When something is missing, humanity seems to find a way to live. Though over time, living may not be enough. I wager to bet that folks, with all basic needs of survival met, a feel of something more will arise. Not knowing what to do with that feeling and going about business as usual, may lead to a huge sense of loss or longing or an experience depression or anxiety. This may lead to self medicating or doing whatever we can to feel better moment to moment with the latest and greatest purchase, the glass of wine at the end of the day, binge watching, etc. Surviving a pandemic does not mean we have lived through it. As things open up, there is an invitation to be alive, not just live.
For me, I have to ask, when something is missing, what is actually being asked to come in? I aim to reframe the problem. What is the desire/need/longing informing us about? When the mouse is hungry in mid-winter, when the plant looks thirsty, when the fox wants companionship...yes, it’s the food, watch and love we all need to live but it also asks us to be alive in the world, to participate actively in our purpose of exchange in the diverse gifts we offer. The mouse coming out in mid-winter offers it gift of keeping other unique species alive, but they also aerate the soil, spread seeds for more vegetation and spread fungi to supply nutrients to plants. Living contributes to thriving.
Purpose. What if purpose is a basic need (alongside love, food, shelter)? What if a sense of purpose is needed to truly live? It may be what’s called for when our other needs are met and we start to feel the missing of something?
Living creatures in nature participate in purpose as they contribute to biodiversity. Each elements of nature, the mouse, tree, fox survives through it acquisition of necessary resources. Collectively, however, these individual living beings show up as who they are with all their gifts and talents to create biodiversity, a better world. Nature creates and enhances our world beyond survival, it teaches us what thriving can be. It supports, consumes and produces. It provides oxygen, supplies, joy. It knows the power of resiliency, adaptation, health, and connection toward the wealth of a system. It unabashedly expresses it’s identity- the rainforest, the alpine desert, the ocean deep- each element contribuing to the greater whole.
What if we all lived into our purpose in such a way? We live our purpose and it betters the world. More and more I see the something-missing state and more and more I know what’s being called in is a depth of knowing the answer to the great overarching question: what are we here to really do?
It’s time for me to stop watching TV and buying things. My purpose is to mentor, to support others in knowing who they are and their gifts to better the world. I’ll be starting a teen/young adult group on April 25th. Do connect to learn more or sign up.